It's a little long, but funny:
So there's 3 men who are in a boat in the middle of the sea. (don't ask why.) The first man sees an island.
"LAND HO!!!!" He yells. The other two men quickly paddle to shore and find that the island is inhabited with cannibals. They get off the boat and walk up to the head cannibal who says,
"If you want to live, all of you go into the forest and find ten of the same fruit by dusk. If you fail, you will be killed."
The men, not wanting to be their supper, head out into the sparse forest. The first man found an apple tree, so he picked 10 apples and brought them back to the cannibal.
"Now you must shove these apples up your butt without making any facial expression," he says, "or you will die."
So the man starts shoving the apples up his butt, but when he got to the 5th apple, he started screaming. The cannibal grabbed him and threw him onto the sand.
"We will wait for the others to come so we can cook them too," he says.
The second man came back with 10 cherries. The cannibal told him the same thing.
"Now you must shove these cherries up your butt without making any facial expression, or you will die."
So the second man successfully shoved 9 cherries up his butt, then burst out laughing. The cannibal threw him next to the first man.
"You were so close to finishing! What made you laugh?" the first man asked the second.
"I saw the other man coming back," The second man replied, "and he was carrying pinneapples!"
and the next one
One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner. The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes...
Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female." For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.
The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that. It was the bear's second turn for a wish.? "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well." Rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine.
The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle. For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female." The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said "I wish the bear was gay."
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But the rest of the figuring I'm not sure how to handle: